


Nerv's Christmas Party

by Lightbringer34



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Pure Crack, Yui is such a cipher in NGE so all we have are guesses on what she wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightbringer34/pseuds/Lightbringer34
Summary: The members of GEHRIN, soon to be NERV, celebrate the New Year with a Christmas party. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Ikari Gendou/Ikari Yui, Ikari Shinji & Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Yui/Souryuu Kyouko Zeppelin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Nerv's Christmas Party

Kozo Fyutusuki was having fun. This was less to do with the fact that he was dressed up as Santa Claus, complete with fake beard and floppy hat, and more to do with the fact that he had downed most of two bottles of wine. Specifically the 1967 _Sovignion Blan_ c Chairman Keel had sent him as a gift. He gazed across the room with a contented smile. Even after all the chaos and horror of Second Impact, humanity was still here, still clinging to life, and this party was proof of that. 

Chairman Keel could talk about “the betterment of humanity” and the “ascension of the human species” all he wanted. The old Professor found all his motivation in the simple human pleasures around him. Music, laughter, and the simple commonality of a shared holiday. This was the reason why he’d stayed in GEHRIN. Because Yui Ikari, once his student, held the same views he did. She valued her husband, her life, humanity as it was, in short.

Kozo frowned. Come to think of it, where was she?

His gaze swept the room, searching for that familiar mop of brown hair, only to find it burning a hole in the wall behind him. What was-

He turned in his chair and sighed in resignation. Kyoko. Of course.

The red-haired German scientist was behind him and was chatting up Gendo, aided once again by the conversational lubricant of alcohol. Both appeared to be holding glasses of hard liquor, though Kozo was unsuprised to see Gendo’s glass was quite full. Rokobungi-now Ikari-had always been a smooth operator.

__________________________________________

Gendo Ikari had been called a mad bastard, a lunatic, a genius, and the luckiest man in the world. He was all of these things, but right now, he was sweating bullets. He was adept in a great many fields and had obtained at least 3 PhD’s, but maneuvering his way out of the clutches of drunk geniuses was not one of them. Gendo Ikari was a one-woman-man, and the tall, attractive, drunk woman in front of him was certainly not his wife. 

The conversation had started a mere six minutes ago, with a thoroughly sloshed Kyoko Zeppelin asking him how the development of the Magi was coming along. And somehow, through a twist Gendo had not seen coming, she was now making remarks about his “Lance of Longinus” and her “Terminal Dogma”. 

Gendo leaned back the slightest fraction, as Kyoko bent forward, giving him a look at her middling cleavage. He could feel his eyes begin to slip downward and, with the effort of will that would eventually make him Commander of NERV, forced them upwards. This was his first mistake, because it forced him to make eye contact.

Kyoko twitched an eyebrow in a questioning glance and gave Gendo what she no doubt thought was a sultry look, but merely made her look like she was about to vomit all over the rich Armani carpet. This had to be ended, no matter the cost to professional relations, before it turned into a catastrophe that would make Second Impact look like a minor earthquake.

“Mrs. Soryhu, I believe you have had more than enough to drink tonight. I will obtain you transportation home to avoid the dangers of intoxicated driving." 

Gendo turned on his heel to move towards the door, the valet, and freedom. 

"And in addition, I have had no dealings with Terminal Dogma for the last few years. My recent _marriage_ and my _work_ , has taken up most of my time.”

He stressed the words, hoping his words would penetrate the haze of foolishness the drink had instilled in the normally sensible woman, and took three steps away, confident the matter was settled. This was Gendo’s second mistake, because he let his guard down.

Kyoko stumbled after him, grasping vainly at the air as she tried to grasp something solid. What happened next would be debated in hushed circles for years to come in NERV and UN circles across the world.

Kyoko’s red high heels were designed to be intimidating and to draw the eye. They were, to Gendo’s misfortune, not designed to be stable or ergonomically supportive. Kyoko tripped over her own feet and down she went.

Gendo, a veteran of at least twelve bar fights and two Second Impact conflicts, should’ve let her fall, but his reflexes betrayed him. His hands dropped his drink and swooped in to catch the German scientist in a textbook Spanish tango dip. One hand curved around to catch and support her neck, and the second grabbed her waist, traveling down the slippery fabric of her cocktail dress to a most unwelcome resting place.

Unwelcome for Gendo that is. Kyoko was, in fact, secretly thrilled. So she draped her hands around Gendo’s long, muscled shoulders, and simply enjoyed the moment. His cologne even smelled nice…

________________________________________________________ 

_Incredible. I should not be able to physically feel everyone staring at me. I should not, and yet I can. Goldberg from Engineering, Leonhardt, from Tactics, even Kozo in that stupid Santa suit. Their gazes burn. Is this what it is like to have an AT Field? Curious._

That was the rational part of Gendo’s mind, the part that continued to operate, that swiftly set Kyoko Zeppilin upright and straightened his suit jacket. The irrational part of his mind had simply decided that all this stress was too much and yes, it would take that accrued vacation time now.

Fyutusuki winced as the conversation stilled and heads turned. In a matter of seconds, the room was dead silent. Slowly, he turned his head towards where Yui Ikari was sitting, not sure if he wanted to see what was there. Kozo and Gendo had once seen Yui punch a man twice her weight in a college bar and lay him out cold. This could easily turn sour very fast, and nobody had any horse tranquilizer. Well, no one that he knew of. This was GEHRIN, after all.

 _I am a dead man._ _This is empirical fact. I just dipped a drunk woman who was coming on to me in front of my wife, her professor, and everyone in the office. I am dead, and my body simply has not received the message._

Gendo noticed that he was still staring blankly ahead at a small cluster of GEHRIN employees near the window and blinked.

This was his final mistake. Small rapid movements always draw the attention of apex predators, who do not so much hunt their prey as they subjugate it to their will. Yui Ikari, his wife, was one such apex predator.

Yui stalked over to her husband and her longtime rival, anger almost literally radiating from her. Fyutusuki swallowed, his mouth dry. To the relief of everyone in the room, there was no immediate explosion of violence. Instead, the head of Project E merely smiled and guided both of her victims to the door, Kyoko still giggling in a drunken sort of way.

Gendo and Fyutusuki alone remained ashen-faced. They knew judgment was not passed, merely postponed. The professor followed their progress until they passed through the doors to the hallway beyond. It might as well have been the very gates of hell.

________________________________________________

Yui barreled down the hall, ignoring the guards, the serving staff, all obstacles in her way until she found an empty room. It continued the theme of expensive carpets, warm colors of red and yellow, with the addition of a truly impressive bedspread.

Dragging Kyoko to the side, she rounded on Gendo, who stood stoically awaiting his doom. Her voice was calm.

“Gendo, sweetie, do you mind explaining to me what happened back there?” A slight divot appeared in her brow.

“Because to me, it looked like you were attempting to seduce Kyoko Zeppelin Soryhu. We both know you’ve made some foolish decisions before, but this one really takes the cake.”

Yui waited, but said nothing else. Gendo had lied to UN representatives, Generals, and twelve separate juries, but he could not lie to his wife. Her husband nudged his glasses into place, then spoke.

“A simple accident, is all that transpired. Doctor Soryhu was intoxicated, yes, and was making some extremely disingenuous overtures towards me. I attempted to extricate myself before I was forced to make a scene, only for her inebriation to overcome her. My reflexes simply followed their own accord to break her fall. You saw what happened and I believe my record of loyalty speaks for itself.”

He cleared his throat and bowed his head as Yui frowned. Her husband had descended into the role of the Professional, the Scientist, once more hiding behind formality. She’d yet to break him of that habit, but she was trying.

“Gendo, we’ve talked about this. You can drop the formal report act, you know. I’m your wife.” Yui rubbed her forehead.

“I just want to know what happened is all. “

Gendo shrugged. “You should ask Kyoko then. She’s been trying to get into my pants for the past hour. All I tried to do was hold her off.”

He smiled, though it was awkward and slightly artificial. Yui knew that he was trying to make up for his faux pas. For all his faults, Gendo Ikari was trying very hard to be a good husband, which is why she knew he’d make a good father. So she smiled in return and caressed the side of his face.

“I’m sorry for doubting you Gendo. Now go back and enjoy the party. I’m sure Fuyutusuki's trying to do something stupid by now.” He chuckled slightly in response and left the room, closing the door behind him, which slid shut with a slight thunk, that caused the inebriated Kyoko to stumble her way to awareness. 

“Hunh? What’s that?”

She was treated to the unpleasant sight of Yui Ikari, leaning over her and looking very unhappy.

“Kyoko, I think it’s time we had a chat.”

__________________________________________________

Five minutes later, Kyoko had moved herself into a sitting position on the bed, while Yui fetched a bottle of champagne. She had the sinking feeling she was going to need it. So she drained one of the pitfully small glasses and zeroed in on the German scientist.

“So do you mind telling me what this is about?”

Kyoko glared right back at her, the alcohol doing nothing to diminish the hostility in her gaze.

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific, Yui, Do you mean this party, GEHRIN itself, or the fact that you’ve been snapping at me every chance you get for the last three years?”

Yui recoiled in her chair.

“Don’t try and pin this on me, I’m not the one making advances on married men!”

“Oh please. You’re Katsushiro Ikari’s daughter, you haven’t had to work a day in your life! Fuyutusuki adores you and Gendo falls right into your arms whenever you look at him!”

Yui opened her mouth to object, but Kyoko barreled on relentlessly.

“You’ve got this charmed life, and then whenever anyone upsets it, you blame them! I worked for years to publish my paper on Evangelion biology, then you come along and steal the spotlight almost immediately. It’s not enough that you have to be pretty, you’ve got to be the best don’t you?”

There was a stunned silence as Yui tried to piece her shattered train of thought back together and Kyoko tried to wipe the gathered tears from her eyes. After a while, Yui silently offered her German counterpart the bottle of champagne, who took it without a word.

“You know”, offered Yui, “I never meant to ‘steal your thunder’ like you said. Back then, I used to look up to you.”

Ignoring Kyoko’s raised eyebrow, she continued.

“Kyoko Soryu, someone only a year or two ahead of me was doing these great things and I felt like there was finally someone I could talk to, someone similar to me. But then, I met you at that conference in Berlin.”

She laughed, hollow and bitter.

“Boy was I wrong. My life isn’t charmed at all Kyoko, it just looks like it.” She picked up her glass, only to find it empty. “The calmest waters have the roughest currents you know.”

Yui hiccupped slightly.

“I’m not sure how this is all going to turn out, but I can’t help thinking I’m going to be dead before it all ends. I just wanted everyone to be happy.”

Kyoko reached back across and poked Yui with the bottle. Oddly enough, this made them both feel slightly better.

_________________________________________________________

An hour later, they had gone through two bottles of champagne and were currently giggling like schoolgirls.

“-and so of course, I’m pretty drunk by this point,”

“like you are right now.”

“yeah, so I lean in real close”

“like you are right now”

“SHUT UP YUI! I’m trying to tell a story here.”

“Fiiiiine.”

“so I leaned in really close and kissed her.”

Yui emitted a squeal more suited to a steam engine than the head of Project E, then collapsed into laughter.

After she had gained her breath back, she poked Kyoko in the stomach.

“Hey, Kyoko.”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you think we should try something like that?”

Kyoko rolled over on the bed to regard Yui with a searching look, but there was an undeniable hint of curiosity there. “And why should we do something like that?”

Yui swallowed, suddenly nervous.

“You know, comparison, statistics….” She trailed off. “Science stuff.”

Kyoko frowned and Yui felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. “You realize that’s possibly the flimsiest excuse I’ve ever heard Ikari.”

A hand slipped its way slowly up Yui’s skirt.

“You’re lucky I’m drunk enough for it to work.”

It wasn’t glamorous. It was messy, drunken, awkward sex, with all that implies. Eventually, both GEHRIN scientists decided to make a contest of it, to the detriment of the furniture and the benefit of Gendo’s hidden camera.

The sexually charged rivalry between Yui Ikari and Kyoko Soryhu became legendary at GEHRIN, with at least seven documented incidents involving seemingly deserted offices and traumatized staff.

The day of the Contact Experiment, a deep hush fell over NERV-Berlin as the woman once considered “the brightest scientist in Germany” destroyed her office. Then she began to plan. Perhaps she could be in two places at once…

_________________________________________________________

NERV HQ, 2015

“And that, Shinji, is why you should definitely ‘tap that Soryhu girl’. You’d be continuing a proud tradition and create team bonding opportunities at the same time. Regardless, I expect to see both of you ready for Synch testing next week. You are dismissed.”

Shinji stood in shocked silence for a while, eyes bulging slightly out of their sockets, while Gendo merely regarded his son through the orange lenses of his glasses. Eventually, Shinji turned and stumbled out of the room, a rictus of sheer horror plastered across his features.

Contented, Gendo pulled up the latest reports from Section Two, his parental duties fulfilled. God’s in his heaven, all’s right with the world.

______________________________________________________

Deep below NERV HQ, the Evangelion Cages are rattled by a thunderous BOOM as Units 01 and 02 high five, ignoring the restraining systems entirely.

Unit 00 chose to merely close its singular eye and shake its massive head in shame.

_You two have absolutely no shame at all do you?_

Unit 01 snorts, steam billowing from biomechanical nostrils.

_Like you’re one to talk, Naoko Akagi. You realize every soul within these Evangelions has jumped Gendo Ikari’s bones except Kyoko here?_

_Don’t play the high-and-mighty here._

Unit 02 growls, a deep rumble that vibrates the room.

_Oh please Yui.it’s not a large enough sample size, so your assertions are erroneous._

_Like you could do any better!_

Unheard by members of NERV, the friendly bickering continues long into the night. The next day, the synchronization tests are ten points higher for the pilots of Units 01 and 02 and they will deny the reason to their dying breaths. Instead of rage, Ayanami Rei's Unit 00 was tired and made her feel like she'd had an entire bottle of wine, but their feelings towards the other pilots were the same: _Idiots_.


End file.
